A gift to us from my friend, Mitsy Andrews
It always amazes me how we find love in the most amazing and beautiful of places. Thank you Mitsy for sharing this with us -- tears of life and love accompanied my reading
It’s hard to resist a little boy who’s going to be a good man!
I have a crush on my neighbor Zander who is 4 years old and
already believes he is a monster.
I knew very young I would not be a mother. I chose it. I did not
want to teach another human being sickness when it was all I
knew.
Zander and I met shortly after he and his brother moved in with
his aunt and uncle. To say he started hard is to say the ground is
wet when it rains. Already at 4 he knows abandonment, self-
reliance, and I hope to teach him forgiveness. It’s a different kind
of love you give yourself. And once it’s in you, you remember it in
times when you need it most.
We share play dates at least once a week. And more than anything,
when we’re together, I want him to experience what it feels like to
be a child, to be innocent and free of responsibility. Free from
making another adult happy, just so he feels safe and loved. I want
him to know deep within himself, he is loved because he is alive
and because he is alive, he is unique and only he can be Zander.
One of the first traditions we started is ice cream on the couch.
We do not use spoons. We use our fingers. We make a mess and
laugh at the faces we make when our minds freeze from too much
ice cream. We crush shelled peanuts with a hammer. We make
bubble juice and blow bubbles large enough to fit our whole bodies
into their transparent universe. We run in the rain and stomp in
puddles up to our ankles. We splash each other and scream and
laugh. We buy lottery scratchers and plan a life of luxury. We
search for Robin eggs high up in the trees. His feet on my
shoulders, I lift him as he walks his hands up the trunk of a pine
tree. We walk holding hands and he tells me he got a star at school
for listening. We listen to music and dance. We share the us we are
when together with each other.
For his birthday, he wanted a purple cake with his face on it. We
searched through pictures of him in my phone and he choose the
one he wanted. I ordered the cake.
His aunt planned several events for him which she included me in
as well. We started his special day with ice cream breakfast and
copious amounts of sprinkles and chocolate syrup. I woke early
and gathered everything and took it next door. When I arrived. he
screamed my name and ran to me, hugged my legs and with the
biggest smile and wiggly body and proudly stated. “It’s my
birthday!”
I ran my fingers through his hair and patted him on his back. “I
know. Let’s celebrate your special day. The day my best friend was
born. How lucky I am to know you and be your friend.” He ran to
the table and climbed into his chair. “It’s my birthday! No spoons
today.”
I will never forget the joy I received watching him put more and
more sprinkles over his ice cream repeating over and over. “It’s my
birthday.”
“Yup. All day. Your special day, all days today. The whole day, your
birthday.” I pulled his first present out of the bag watched him
open it. He told me about his big party on Saturday and asked if I
would come.
“Yes, little man. I would be honored to share your birthday party
with you. Thank you for asking.”
After his party, his aunt invited me to a private birthday party
dinner where we could share his cake. I was beyond excited and
proud to present it to him. I brought party hats for all of us to
wear. They quickly became unicorn horns, and he wanted two.
When I placed the cake in front of him, his eyes widened. He
clinched his fists and shook. “That’s me.”
“You said you wanted a purple cake with your face on it, so I
wanted it for you too.” I gave him his candles and told him he could
put them anywhere he wanted.
“Can I put them in my eyes?”
“Oh no don’t...” I froze mid-sentence. Mitsy no… you just told him
he could put the candles anywhere he wanted. Don’t confuse him. Be
true to your words. It’s his cake. Let him do what he wants. “You
know what. Yes, absolutely you can. Put the candles in your eyes
and we’ll set them on fire. Make them glow.”
A month later, his aunt let me know both Zander and his brother
would be moving to live with another aunt and uncle permanently.
The original date was August 2024. Their case worker accelerated
the timeline, and they left Memorial Day 2024.
When she told me, I was shocked at the visceral response inside
me. All of me clinched and cried out NO! I… I thought this was
forever. I thought he would always be here next door for us to play
together. Tears immediately filled my eyes and I leaned against her
needing her support to hold me up.
“You’ve made such a different in his life.” She whispered to me.
My God the difference he’s made in mine. What I wanted for him I
received from him. I wanted him to thrive, to be the very best he can
be and believe it within himself. I wasn’t aware he was doing the
same for me. I wasn’t conscious of how we were leading each
other.
My 4-year-old crush showed me we are always receiving. In every
single moment, there is only receiving more and more of who we
are back to ourselves.