As I wander through it all................

As I wander through it all sometimes wondering what it all is.....

I am starting a new beginning with my writing and as I do, I am thinking of what approach with which to proceed. In the past, I have mainly written about children and how we, as a people, can raise healthier children. I have used my own background as a child of immigrant parents and a person of advancing years with experience to write. Now I think about shifting gears and writing more directly from my own life and experiences. Where this will lead…. I and my readers wait to find out.

But as I think about it all, I find myself distracted by events outside. The killing of children around the world, and the idea of extreme personal surveillance as shown in the increasing use of AI and companies such as Palantir Technologies, an AI-based data platform that allows its users — among them, military and law enforcement agencies — to analyze personal data, including social media profiles, personal information, and physical characteristics (Robert Reich, June, 2025). I also find myself distracted by personal medical issues including two very close introductions and conversations with death this year and the deaths of 2 family members as well as several friends and my cat. To say the year has been filled with circumstances that tended to test my own resolve to remain in this world, would be an understatement to be sure. I hear that God provides us with these tests in order to develop our strength and I have wondered if perhaps God might love me less (an amused smile crosses my face as I say this).

But through this I have come to the strong realization that my own beliefs are the ones being tested. I strongly believe that the external world is an illusion created by our own needs, desires, projections, etc. If this is the case, which I truly believe, then I also know that if I want peace in the external world, it must begin within me….. I can not wait until there is peace in the world to have peace within myself nor can I blame the external world for a lack of inner peace.

I can neither control nor tell anyone else how to live just as I cannot hold anyone else responsible for my own peace. As I have written about children and their own need for love so they might experience love, peace and joy, so must I create and nurture this within myself. For as I nurture my own peace, love and joy, I give this as a gift to the world outside of me. It is a gift that as I give, returns to me.

When I speak of these things, I am not speaking of an inner realization that is easy. Once this is achieved, it is true I look back and ask what all the fuss or the fear was about. I wonder why I fought this for so many years. It was easier to blame the external world for my own lack of inner peace than it was to face myself and to come to terms with the truths within me. I did not like, let alone be able to love so much of what I perceived of myself.

It was this inner search that allowed my understanding of the suffering of others and especially of chuldren. It has allowed me to recognize the wisdom of Infinity and to understand there is an overall plan and that each of us has a journey that does not always make sense. It was this inner search that also provided me with strength to keep climbing and moving forward.