Ask Dr. Anna K: The Alchemical Child
unasked for parenting advice for those who love
A child comes into the world completely fulfilled in love. Ask anyone who has held an infant. When a child is born it is not unusual for the parents to fall in love with each other, with the baby, with the world. They find themselves irresistibly drawn to this young one, wanting to protect it to hold it —- to keep this child from harm of any kind. The infant does not resist being held, It yields itself to being held completely. It completely trusts itself to the care of the parent. It loves unconditionally. This love is freely given. There are no strings attached. It is only later, when the child displeases the parent, that strings begin to be attached — whether the parent is aware or not.
The sole purpose of this child coming into life is to experience itself without reservation, to experience itself and to experience experiences. There is no judgement on the part of the child. There is only experience. When we look into the eyes of this infant, we see who we are — we truly see ourselves and project onto this child the truth of how we view ourselves. We project our deficits, and we project our strengths.
If we have truly learned how to love the completeness of who we are, including what we see as faults, we are able to truly love this infant and to allow it to truly know itself as Love. We do not need masks nor false identities nor the projections we adopt for the outside world. We and the child are truly free to live and to experience the fullness of love. It does not mean mistakes will not be made — of course they will. But we have learned how to embrace our mistakes with love as these mistakes allow us to be who we are.
But if we have not learned this lesson, we are likely to experience self-hatred, uncontrolled anger, and other emotions that arise in the form of drug addiction, over-eating, abuse, etc. We project this onto the child as it grows, and the child becomes convinced it is not worthy of love. The child becomes filled with fear and it loses the recognition of its own Divinity. In fact, if a child refers to itself as Divine, it is most likely to be made fun of and ridiculed. And that which makes a child unmistakably beautiful becomes overshadowed by the desire for approval and love from those who care for it. The child loses the sense of unconditional love and learns how to conform to expectations in order to be liked and maybe, loved.
The child loses the knowledge of its divine origins. It loses the recognition of itself as beautiful, regardless of form it takes. That which is so incredible, so filled with awe becomes clouded by societal expectations and the child spends a lifetime trying to regain what it knows used to be there. Some experience this as trying to fill an empty hole. We spend a lifetime trying to regain this garden, this Garden of Eden that was and is our birthright – it is within us – not an external creation.
And how do I know this —— I was one of these children and I have traveled this road for over 70 years. I know every bump, quicksand pit, and distraction on this road. My experience is hard won, and it is my desire to make this road a bit brighter and perhaps establish a few signposts to help guide the way for others and to validate and encourage all who journey with me. We are One — not they, not split, but One.