Dear Wonderful Readers,
As I edit past posts for my book “The Alchemical Child,” I come across sections I want to rewrite and expand upon. I will not share them all, as this would make the book superfluous, but I do want to share some, to relate to you, the reader, my own ever-deepening understanding of parenting. This is one such edited piece, and I appreciate your reading the new, blended with the old. Hopefully, you will find both thought-provoking.
Hugs to you all my readers. All of you are beautiful…Anna
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
"Let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup, but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone. Even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart. And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
What an amazing statement from Khalil Gibran. Gibran understood that to be truly together, it was necessary to be strong within one's self and to understand one's self as being of a divine nature. He understood individuation as put forth by Jung. “One cannot individuate as long as one is playing a role to oneself; the convictions one has about oneself are the most subtle form of persona and the most subtle obstacle against any true individuation. One can admit practically anything, yet somewhere one retains the idea that one is nevertheless so-and-so, and this is always a sort of final argument which counts apparently as a plus; yet it functions as an influence against true individuation." (Carl Jung)
An artist creates, placing pieces of themselves in physical form for the world to experience. They extend themselves and allow the external world a glimpse into their creativity, their heart, their soul. When I write, my vulnerability allows the world to see me. It is a scary process, as it places me in a position to be judged and to receive comments, both positive and negative. In order to do this, I must be sensitive to myself, to know myself in my vulnerabilities and to express my Truth, as I see it.
For me to be seen, I allowed myself to become secure in the knowledge I love myself, and regardless of what takes place, I will still love myself. I also know I am secure, no matter what, as I have proven the ability to survive against huge odds. To be an effective artist, I must love myself and who I am, and I must be secure in this knowledge. Otherwise, I feel the art or writing I create is not done from my truth, my heart, but from a desire to gain the approval of others; if this happens, I and the truth of what I see become compromised.
Parenting is a nuanced artform. Born from physical union, children are the creative expression of who we are as humans. As adults, our relationships with children, whether adopted or biological, with children in schools and our neighborhoods, and especially within the family, mirror our expression of love for each other, for humanity itself.
A recent radio show by Stephen Jones brought out the uniqueness of the connection between the mother and baby prior to birth. His guest spoke of how, when a baby is born, it recognizes its mother’s voice and her heartbeat. A flood of oxytocin releases into the mother’s system, which creates a sense of euphoria. If you speak to parents about the experience of being with the baby right after it is born, they will tell you they experience pure love – they fall “in love” with the baby and with each other. This is a pure, unconditional love with no expectations and no conditions, it just is. This is Divine love and the parents and the child are in the presence of the guiding influence of our Universe….Love.
I met a therapist once who had six children. He explained the reason he had so many children was because of the experience of this unconditional love with each one. He felt it lasted until the age of two, when the child learned the word “no” and separation from the parent began.
The baby is one with the mother prior to birth. Its body is intimately tied to the body of the mother. Since it is a new life, its body, to some extent, can provide cells to the mother’s body to assist her in healing herself, if there is a problem. For good reason, stem cells from the umbilical cord of a baby are considered a valuable resource. Stem cells can self-heal, and since they are not formed into definite parts of the body, such as the brain or the heart, they can go to various parts of the body and become the needed material for repair. One of the major sources for stem cells is the embryonic stem cells found in the umbilical cord. These cells are found in the adult body but are the healthiest within the growing fetus. More and more often, we hear of stem cells being used to treat an ever-increasing variety of illnesses.
It has become my understanding that, prior to birth, the baby is one with the mother. The baby and the mother are truly one. Their systems are entirely entwined. When the fetus is examined within the mother, this becomes obvious. The baby is entirely enmeshed. It is growing and becoming ever more independent in its ability to survive without the mother, but it is not until the umbilical cord is cut that this happens. Inside mom, it is one with mom.
When birth takes place, the child becomes a separate entity of its own. This realization, this understanding changes the way we see children. A child is not a little image of its parent — it is not even an extension of personality or any other form of the parents or ancestors. It is a completely independent human being, capable of molding its own being, according to its own plan.
We insist on seeing the child as an extension of the parents. We hear this when a child is born who looks “just like his father” or “she has the temper of her mother.” We attempt to mold the child into the images we have for them, and we do so whether unconsciously or consciously. We desire greatly for this child to be an extension of us in some way, but this can not be, as the child is separate. It is its own self, its own being to command, according to its own plan.
This realization totally changes the way I look at children. It changes everything about what we know about children and how to be catalysts for their growth. We can not control them, but this does not mean absolute freedom to do whatever they please, motivated by whatever thought comes into their head. We must find a new way. A way that brings full expression of love of self through loving self, allowing this love to be felt and received and shared by others.