Yes, I’ve been watching too much Bridgerton. But it is a great day and you, my readers, are gentle. I have been absent for some time. However, I have been writing, and I have been exploring the nature of motherhood, friendship, and past lives. I look forward to sharing with you the lessons from these amazing five weeks and to integrating the experiences within me.
I have also been thinking about how children grow so quickly from childhood into adulthood. My son has gone from a young man of 24, when I first met him, to a man of 40 in what feels like a second of time. My friend’s child, who I knew as a child, is also suddenly 40. And so many others. I look at these young people and realise how proud I am of the adults they have become. They are kind, gentle, compassionate people who care about themselves and others and who, in spite of difficulties, have become people of love. This does not happen by accident.
It made me think about what it could mean to our future if children did not have to struggle to be whole, to be healthy and loving adults. From where does a child learn who they are as a human being? I believe (and this is me personally) children are divine gifts, emanations of the Oneness of life. They are here to teach us about ourselves and who we are, but how do they learn who they are? They learn the same way most of us do. Our image of who we are is born from how others reflect back to us.
As an example, I will use myself. It was reflected to me I was not a wanted child, or at least not wanted in the form I appeared. This is not said as an attempt to gain sympathy but merely as a fact. I am no longer a victim. I am no longer a survivor. I have become myself and for the first time I can truly say, “I am proud of who I have become.” I can also say I truly love and care about who I am and I am loving my life. There is little the external world can do to change my attitude within myself. I believe it was Hegel who said you can bury the body deep within the ground, but the Soul is always free. My Soul is free, no longer imprisoned by the opinion of others. I have learned to secure and hold my own opinion of myself, and this has allowed me to open and receive the love of others, including and especially my son, without strings or expectations. But this has not been an easy journey for me, any more than it is an easy journey for anyone.
Our image of ourselves is first formed by how others receive us. I recently heard a story of a man who was raised in the foster care system, where he had an outrageous number of homes before he was 18 and could leave. He had nine broken bones and repeatedly was told he would grow into a criminal and commit heinous crimes. He did not and has become a loving adult who deeply cares about others. As with most of us who have outgrown other’s negative expectations of us and developed a deep sense of who we are, this is most likely, as with me, an experience of Infinity that allowed us to realise and live who we truly are — emanations of the Divine — the Divine having a human experience, not the other way around.
But we had to learn that others' opinions of us were not valid. We had to learn to stand in the truth of who we are and to realise this truth in awe and wonder. We had to realise and take this truth deep within us and nurture it with Love and to allow it to grow and blossom.
That’s something that is not easy in this world, where it is more acceptable to hear negative comments about ourselves than positive. If I praised myself, as a child, I was seen as arrogant. I was an intelligent child but was not allowed to outshine my brother. I wanted to become a doctor but could not, as he had become one and it was made clear that I could not compete. As I was a female, I was to become a teacher like my sister, marry and become obedient. We see how well this worked out. Instead, I embarked on a journey to figure out who and what I was, and finally I know.
I had to become my own parent and reflect back to myself loving and positive messages. I realised my purpose in life is to just live and to enjoy life. Life is not painful; it was never meant to be. It was meant as a joyous, wondrous experience to share with others in joy and love and sheer wonder. It has become my own personal journey, in this life, to help free the children through freeing the parents. So often I meet angry parents, angry with their child, angry with the world – and I ask them, in so many words, if this is how they want their children to grow. For what the parent holds is reflected onto the child, and in so many cases, what the parents hold and reflect onto the child becomes who the child is. But we can change this – and we are changing this – as we fully realise that the secret to raising happy, emotionally secure children is unconditional love and a realisation that no mistake is a permanent repudiation of the child. We guide through love and we are love, pure and simple.
Glad to see that you are back writing again.