As I sit here contemplating the coming school year there are many things that are taking a walk through my brain. I believe the primary thought this morning is centered on how we build resilience in children and allow them to know themselves as they truly are, without reliance on another to determine their value as human beings.
Gibran Khalil Gibran wrote
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
So often when we refer to children, we see them as extensions of ourselves, little miniatures. As a point of interest, I often hear children referred to as “mini-me,” when indeed, they are no such entity. Children are individual entities born of women but with independent souls seeking their own way through life. While we can guide them, we can not own them.
So what does this mean? I have quoted Gibran before and probably will do so again, as he describes so well our human situation with children. If we look back at our own upbringing, many of us were discouraged, in one form or another, from having our own thoughts, from pursuing our own explorations. We became deterred by “It is not for you,” “You will not make enough money,” “You don’t have the skills,” and other such phrases – until eventually we caved and began to see ourselves through the eyes of others, forgetting who we are and the excitement to explore life we once had as children.
If we are to raise children to understand themselves and to be who they truly are, then we have to allow and encourage their independence, their freedom. When we guide them, allow it to be with love and with joy, allowing them to explore without hesitation. Of course, I do not mean giving into dangerous explorations or unwise decision-making. But wherever possible, allow them their own decisions. Young children can be allowed to choose their own clothes, games, and even bedtimes. They easily learn that staying up late means they do not feel good at school the next day. Engage them in conversation about the choices they made.
As a child, I remember my father loved to talk with me. He would sit and ask me questions, and he would tell me stories. He said it was like talking to an adult, and he truly listened. This is my favorite memory of him, and I value this listening because it allowed me to realize that what I had to say was important, and to him I was important. He had no expectations for me when I was young, and he allowed me to be myself with him. He gave me value; he allowed me to cherish life.
Listening is perhaps the greatest gift we can give a child, as this allows the child to see their worth. How often are children met with some form of “Shut-up and be quiet”? They hear it at home, in school. How often does a child hear, “Sit down and talk to me – your opinion is important to me and I want to hear your thoughts”? As Gibran says, “their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.” Children must have the freedom to explore and to learn from these explorations. A child’s soul is unique, individual…it is not shared with anyone…it is the child’s alone. A child is one and in this Oneness of life, it must learn its own self-love so that in this self-love, it can become love universally, without exception, without boundaries and with unbounded joy.
Wishing you the best school year ever!