Love Myself???

for all those who love...............

It is alright to give yourself permission to be a great parent. Parenting is a tough task. Let no one say otherwise. It requires compassion, love, understanding and many other super powers our society, including our own upbring, has tried to squeeze out of us. It is easy to criticize people for the way they parent and it is easy to criticize our own parents for how they parented. However, the most important thing to remember is that everyone, regardless of who they are, and I do mean everyone, is doing the best they can in a world where most people feel misunderstood and alone.

I remember, as a child, being asked many times “just who do you think you are?”. This came often after I had asked an audacious question. I learned to be careful of who I allowed to know how intelligent I was. I was a chubby child and remember consistently being “fat shamed” by adults. When I look at myself now, I actually do not see a fat child, but one who was slightly larger than the average bear. I still am. I still carry the scars that prevented me from loving myself enough to believe I was worthy of my own self-respect. I see this pattern taking place in schools where children are not encouraged to speak highly of themselves but are told they are “bragging” or some other form of “who do you think you are?” 

We had many phrases such as “boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses” and it’s equivalent. If a child brags about him/herself, it is likely to not be received well. However, if a child speaks negatively concerning their own achievements, looks, etc., we quickly provide a lot of attention. This, unfortunately, results in the child learning that being negative about one’s self gains more attention than being positive.

I am speaking of being realistically proud of who we are and our abilities and to clearly be able to look at errors and mistakes, without judgment and realistically. When we are raised this way, it is easy to be honest about who we are, to love our abilities and to admit areas of needed improvement. Words like “faults, problems, etc” become things of the past. 

We recognize our own self-love and our own self-worth. I watched some children recently, who have been raised this way with a full expression of who they truly are as humans. They easily interact with adults, and have a basic trust of the world because the environment in which these children are growing is trustworthy. They are secure and ready to face the challenges in the world. The little girl was deciding she did not want to do as she was asked and decided on some rebellion. She decided not to listen to her mom or her grandmother, when they explained. Her dad stepped in and lowered his voice, and she immediately cooperated without fuss. He was very direct and explained to her in no uncertain terms what she needed to do. After she had calmed herself, they sat and talked. Hugs and love were exchanged and the incident forgotten. No recriminations and the child did not continue to hear what a rebellious and difficult person she was to raise. It was over, the incident completed, and the child was provided with a clear understanding. She was treated with respect and honored as a child.

This little girl was clearly learning she was worthy of her own self-love and worthy of love from everyone she met. Being in the home with this family was an amazing experience. Love radiated from the walls. I enjoyed being up early just to sit and meditate within these walls, with these people who gave freely of their love and respect to all.

How often do we say to ourselves “I love myself.” We should say it daily. I am beautiful, I am loved. These words allow us to truly feel who we are as divine beings experiencing what it means to be human. We heal the past wounds and we recognize past traumas as providing us with experiences that open us to the divine and make us who we are. We realize these experiences shaped us and made us who we are. They allow us to reach others who have experienced pain and to provide empathy and compassion and truly support them.

We also understand that since we experienced events that were unpleasant, we do not need to replicate these with our children. We can allow them to experience their own lives. And this is what they will do as life is experience and we forge our future path today. We only have our immediate present out of which to act and how we think and act now will forge our future reality.

The one law within the universe that appears to be consistent is benevolence, love. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. What I give out, is what I receive back and that is where free will comes in. I am free to choose opposition and anger but, as we all know, it does not feel good, either going out or coming back. It does not mean problems will not happen when we choose to receive love but it means we face these issues with peace within us and somehow, just this difference makes the world appear so different and internal peace is conveyed to our children. We teach our children that loving themselves is the greatest gift anyone can possess and the greatest gift anyone can give.