I was asked a question recently that I felt deserved a longer answer than the one I gave on email, so I decided to consider it in this blog: “In your experience, what’s one shift that helps a student or educator feel seen and supported the fastest?” As I thought about it, I realized the question was being looked at from an external perspective and I felt the answer came from moving inward.
To me this is a vital question as it addresses a core issue of why we, as a people, are loath to speak out - to fight against what appears to be injustice or unseemly behavior. The conditioning for this starts early in years when a child is taught they do not want to be a “tattletale” or are labelled in some way for speaking up about their feelings or concerns.
We become afraid of losing the love of the ones we love and as a result we become afraid of ourselves, of allowing people to know us for fear we will be left alone. This happens in many subtle ways and in some ways not so subtle. As an example, as a young girl I was taught to hide my intelligence as boys would not like me. Phrases like “boys don’t make passes at girls’ who wear glasses” or being told I was too smart for my own good and told I should not speak or express my opinion. As young girls we were taught boys were stronger, smarter than us and we had to give into them. Most heroes in stories were male and in children stories the ones having adventures were mostly boys.
This undermining was not limited to girls but extended to boys as well as they were taught that to be nurturing, gentle was wrong, that there was something wrong with a boy who exhibited these qualities. Boys had to be macho. Messages undermining a child’s sense of self were both overt and subtle. We simply became afraid of being ourselves, of being who we truly are – we wear masks. We wear the face we think will gain the approval of others and some of us never truly get to know or realize who we are and therefore never realize our true potential.
We learn to live for the approval of others and therefore learn to live in fear we will be seen. This fear serves many purposes as it allows us to be controlled by governments by schools and by big business and by life. A child speaks out, mostly they are not afraid to speak their truth, to speak who they are – they know instinctively what is Truth. But in order to create a society controlled, we must gaslight children and convince them they do not know their Truth and must depend on parents, schools and eventually bosses or partners to tell them who they are and what they must be.
This must change if we are to survive as a species. We must teach children to live their Truth and to speak it if we are to have a healthy society and a compassionate future. And this comes to the question I was asked. For it is a large shift in the way we raise children that will create a compassionate and loving future. The change is that we must help the child retain what they already know instinctively.
The one shift either an educator or student can have to help them feel seen or supported is a deep sense of self-worth and love. As a person learns to appreciate and love themselves, s/he comes to understand the only approval that is needed is their own. It is not a self centered or selfish love but comes from a deep understanding of knowing who they are as the embodiment of both divine and human. We do not teach children this secret, We negate the part of us that is born of the Infinite and restrict ourselves to only the human existence. Because we do, we learn to fear– to fear death as we see ourselves as Finite. This fear carries with us as we grow to adulthood. We become afraid to stand in our own truth of being and to therefore stand for what is Truth and not to be afraid of embodying it. We fear who we are and constantly seek external validation for our existence. As we grow in truth and inner strength of being we become seen (not always to our delight) but seen for who we are and we know how to be with ourselves.
It is this self-love that allows us to face the world without fear as we know there is nothing to fear. We must become free and it is this freedom that allows us to be ourselves and to speak without fear.